The Birth of the Blog

It’s 4 a.m. It’s go time. I have been tossing and turning and not sleeping most of the night. Is this false labour or the real thing? I think this is it. I am up and dressed and ready for the trip.

I thought it would be easier with the second birth, but the pangs of labour feel the same. I can’t wait to get this out and yet I am so anxious, alternating between excitement about the new creation and worry that it won’t be all that we hoped for.

I should of known it would be tonight as all yesterday I was restless and discontent, nothing made me happy, grumpy at my husband, invited to dinner and couldn’t make myself go, laying on the couch watching golf to distract from this big ball of discontent.

I’d like to say this was a planned pregnancy but I can’t really remember when I conceived, I just gradually felt something growing in me. When it first started kicking and I knew it was alive it made me feel elated, but then at other times more comparable to morning sickness. What had I done? How did this happen? Could I birth another idea into something tangible and real? And then you realize there is no turning back. This idea was meant to be. It is larger than me or at least ‘little me’. So now I have nurtured it and watched it grow, but I can no longer carry it around inside me. It wants to get out.

It is a second child, so I know now it is not all cute cheeks and cuddles, there is the spit up and poopy pants. Can I love this child as much as my first born?

I was so anxious when ‘Rockstar’ first went out into the world. What a name eh? And that is just the nickname. He actually has a title “Is Your Horse a Rockstar?” The kind of thing you do with first borns. He was little so we wanted to give him a big name. We tried to do everything so right with him. Research, planned parenthood, all kinds of outside council, kept him neat and tidy. We even had a big coming out party for him….sent out invites, rented a hall, served wine. I guess we did alright as he is growing up nicely, finding his own way out in the world, even becoming a bit of world traveller.

Will these be hard footsteps to follow? Will being the second child make it easier or harder? Will he/she be judged because of first child? I feel I will be a better parent, more flexible and ready to go with the flow. I do worry that I might neglect her with my new easy going attitude, just taking it (or typing it) a day at a time. I sure hope I don’t leave her for weeks at a time. Do I have the perseverance?