Monday, October 18, 2010
Herd, flock, pack, pod - I think they all have their group consiousness. So in our herd - we have been seeing this principle in action. If a couple of horses offer something new, it could be coming in with no halter on, head lowering when riding, opening gates (darn), then be prepared for your horse to suddenly just do it. This happened to me last week. My horse Sid is a Skeptic (DLAA) so not usually outgoing or the volunteering type and he did a big offer in coming in without a halter on. Now the first horse that did this (Star) did it in small incremental steps, coming a little further each time, finally getting to the gate and then forgetting what they were doing and eating grass once they were out in the yard and gradually over nearly a month they finally put the whole puzzle together and made it to the barn. Since then several horses have been offering this which makes their owners pretty much giggle with glee. So when my horse Sid who not long ago was hard to catch and suspicious of most things that stupid humans did, offered this I was taken totally by surprise. He just showed up, walked across the field to me and then proceeded to lead me down to the barn. At one point another horse was following and he snaked his neck out at him and told him to buzz off as he was on a date (see dating post). I was keeping up with him, he was not quietly following me in. When we got to the open barn door I asked him to wait while I put his halter on and he quietly responded. I was another one giggling with glee.
This again shows us that we do not need A and B to equal C as we used to in our old training. We do A - which in this case was hanging around out in the field with Sid, sharing space, sleeping on the hillside with him, loving him with no expectations and then BAM they decide to offer someting big. His next new move that evening was deciding how and where I should get on. We were having a group play date in the arena so no saddles, just mostly hanging out and socializing on the ground. He walked about and then went to the mounting block. He was not ready the first time so we walked off and when he went back again he stood at it and put his head around to the right which is his clicker training thing he does once I am on. So he initiated me getting on...yes maybe to get a cookie, but still a reach from what he was. We rode for a bit, mostly moguing (term from the Rock Star book where you allow 'Dominants' to do/go where ever they want). Then I got off and the next time I was sitting on some jump boxes, just resting and he comes into them sideways and again poses with his head to the right and waits for me to get on. Wow! Again I rode a bit and got off. The last time was especially funny as he crossed over some jump poles and then turned and posed and said 'get on'. I laughed and showed him that the six inch lift or pole was not really going to enable me to jump up on him. So A and B no longer equal C. You might have a goal of C, but how you get there may totally change.
So what else is floating around there in horse consciousness, just waiting to come out? It's a mystery. I am happy to wait for it to be revealed.
PS - If interested please do research on the 100th Monkey Principle. A scientist somewhere that spent years studying this would really appreciate it.
Monday, October 11, 2010
About 2 weeks ago I was interviewed by a small town local radio station here. They were interested in the book and had heard that I was doing a talk about horse personalities for the 4-H at the Calgary Stampede grounds. It was the standard questions of how I came to write it and how were people using it to help them with their horses. I did not ask when it would air.
Now last week was my mother's birthday. She turned 93 and is living in an assisted living home in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. She can no longer talk on the telephone so I was feeling very disconnected from her on her birthday. I had no way to get her a birthday message as I live about 1500 miles away. I thought of her often over the weekend. On Monday I get an email from my sister who tells me that on their way to take Mom out for lunch for her birthday, as they were driving to pick her up, they hear about a book called 'Is Your Horse a Rock Star?' and then catch that interview with me. So when they get to mom's they immediately tell her how surprised they were to hear Dessa on the radio as they were driving there. Now how is that for a convoluted way to get your message there. Some will say it's a coincidence, but the horses will say ' Learn to trust, little two-leggeds'.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Max and Terri on a date
You may think of dating as that nerve racking thing you did many years ago. Well it hasn’t changed much as I am sure the younger crowd will attest. The mere thought of it and I can still feel the butterflys, the excitement, but also the anxiety. So now we have to go on dates with our horses??? Whose idea is this? Well, as usual around our barn, it is the horse’s idea.
It starts out innocent enough; kind of like junior high dating. It’s a group activity. We go out to the pasture and the herd and hang out with the gang. No 7-11, but a lot of the same activities. There is the same high social order and it does not take long to see the cliques. The jocks hang out together, the computer nerds are doing their thing and the cool ones are keeping up there image. Occasionally you see the odd pair sneak off to be in private. We presently have Scoobey and Rena (the new beautiful grey girl) in a serious romantic connection. They still bring along a couple of friends, Ulysses and Star to make it look ligit.
You are hanging out with the crowd, trying to fit in, but you have your eyes set one individual. Will he notice you? Will he actually leave his friends and come say Hi. You think about going over but are not sure if it might come off as needy. You saunter by and see if you feel any vibe. He doesn’t notice you. You go and play with another - flirty and fun. It works and you draw him out to you. It is certainly no time to get demanding (by putting on a halter) – no time to suggest he meet your family (going to the stable) – no, it is time to be coy, to be cool. The dance has begun.
After a few of these dates, it is time to get more exclusive. You wait for him to suggest it and you reluctantly go off alone with him. It is only time now until he will be ready to meet the family.
We started noticing the dating thing a short time ago and then during our ladies camp where the women had 5 days to just be with their horses, it really became evident. The first couple of days were all excitement and group activities and then by the end of the week there was some exclusive moments being set up. As facilitator of this relationship week, I noticed that once the one on one dating started I was not even allowed to come near. I approached Terri and her big part Friesen boy Max, to see how it was going and he immediately led her away before we could even start to talk. She understood completely what was happening and as they went off told me not to take it personally. He took her down into a tall grassy area and ate quietly beside her. She eventionaly layed out in the grass and …… well who knows where it went. This was Max who just 2 days earlier could not be separated from his buddies. She had come to camp because she felt his herd bound behaviour was bordering on dangerous. The next week after camp she emailed us with this great note that I will share with you:
I took Max down to the Sheep River yesterday. I asked him before we left if he felt like an adventure out in the beauty of nature.... he was waiting at the fence, loaded beautifully and we had an amazing day! Today I decided to take him for a walk around the yard and let him hand graze (and to show him that not
all days are long ones climbing hills and crossing creeks in the mountains)
obviously home must seem pretty boring ..... the first place he was headed
was up the drive way and down the road..... leaving Cal and Dewey like frantic lunatics and he was such a cool boy, venturing out on his own. He is getting so much more confident!
It was awesome... I could hardly keep up with him! Thanks so much!
Talk soon. Terri
This is Terri and Max, out on their mountain adventure. The girls from the ladies retreat will have a hard time believing this. Even for me it is hard to believe. The change happened after a week of working on relationship where Terri did not get on her horse, just went on dates and spent a morning lying together in the arena. We do not know what effect that has. For me having spent a lifetime teaching, it is even harder. My old programming says I should be able to explain this - that A and B will always reach a predictable C but not so these days. We have to be willing to go along on the adventure, not knowing what the outcome will be. What we are seeing though is that the horses are willing participants once we see the them in a new light.
Max takes on the world
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Another typically normal day at Liberty Stables, finds two horses loose in the arena and one laying (or is that lying) and sleeping with her owner. We had a visitor at the barn and she was watching the “lesson”, amazed that (a) a horse would do something like that and (b) that we would allow it.
Gary sat for 20 minutes with little Belle’s head in his lap sharing something magical. Their whole story is magical and I would like to share some of it with you. Belle chose Gary about 2 years ago. Gary was a non rider and Belle was a non ridden horse. Well 2 years previously she had had one months training but since then had been left out in the field. A perfect match as I am sure you all can agree. She would approach Gary in the field and give him a friendly ‘boof’ with her nose to get his attention. He began to bring Belle in for grooming and soon bought her as she was being sold for her board bill.
Now if Belle seems slightly inappropriate, let me add more fuel to the fire. If you understand the horse personalities, Belle is a Macho Man. That means her four traits are dominant, energetic, curious and aloof. Now this combination is not for the faint of heart. We normally describe their attitude as ‘sit down, shut up and hold on’. This type of personality is never recommended for children and they are often found ‘eating up’ fairly experienced riders. Now for a bit more fuel – Belle is also an Arabian mare. Nothing against Arabians but they usually come fairly high strung…. and not recommended for a novice.
Let me introduce Gary to you. He is 54 years of age and is not in good health. He has been living with a brain tumor for nearly twenty years and is on a lot of medication that leaves him weak and tired frequently. He is also prone to seizures. Now this may not seem like a perfect pairing?
But it is. Belle is his riding teacher as well as his spiritual coach. They have a fabulous relationship. Sometimes like an old married couple narking at each other, other times very deeply affectionate. That is what I was lucky enough today to be a part of. She knew on some level perhaps for him that they needed to sit and be still. Lying down was the perfect solution. For a horse to feel so safe and secure in their riders company and to know that she would be listened to was so beautiful to see.
When she is teaching him to ride she is very careful of his balance and only goes at a pace he can handle. He has been learning how to trot and she will only give him about 5 or 6 steps before coming back to walk. No amount of kicking on his part will convince her that he is ready for more. When SHE was ready she extended it to trotting the full length of the arena. Her next step on the way to helping him learn was for him to ride bareback so his balance could improve. He knows these things because he is great at listening to her when she suggests something. She was nipping at him while saddling saying she did not want a saddle on and he honored her. How great is that! They love exploring outside, mostly where Belle wants to go and playing with balls and pylons and various games inside.
In my old ways of looking at things I would have tried to explain this as Belle viewing Gary as her job, but I now see how it is much deeper than this. They are partners helping each other on a very deep level. Gary has even had a seizure while on her and she stood perfectly stood and looked after him. I am so fortunate to be able to witness their journey together. Every day I am more in awe of the level of understanding that horses have.
Gary and Belle in the arena
Friday, October 1, 2010
Are we ready to wake up? And are we ready to allow our horses to wake up? A few have started the journey to full aliveness, awareness of all that we can be. The horses are ready and willing to lead the way….to take us on our true soulful journey. They have agreed to join us and help us see the BIG picture. We were told that they can see visually nearly 360 degrees, but who knew that they can see our journey and where we need to be. They are happy to be the catalyst to push us along, sometimes head first into what we need to experience.
Most of us do not choose the awakening. It comes along most unexpectedly, usually in the form of a health issue, sometimes ours, sometimes theirs or both. Why does it seem to take a near death experience for us to decide that we really do want to live? Want to live with a bigger purpose, a bigger view of life, to be a bigger you.
The horses will prod us to quit living with busyness. Quit making life about accomplishments, trophies on the wall, a bigger salary, more stuff. They do not have a lot of time for that. If we show up at our barn with those kinds of ego thoughts running through our heads we will see them turn away, perhaps not be caught today or not be willing to come in with us. They can read that messiness - see that messiness stuck to our body in all kinds of places from across the pasture. The kinder steeds will perhaps try to help release some of that, taking some of it on themselves even though it can create their own physical problems. The ones who know we know better will be more out right and demand that we clean our selves up more before coming into their presence. They know we can not progress down this exciting road if we are still knee deep in the old ruts of our lives.
So let’s not wait for the buck off, the colic surgery, the nervous breakdowns, the illness; can we just decide that we want to go forward into new places, using new tools? Open to exploring new energy because we know we are ready and waiting to become all we were meant to be. Can we just show up out in the pasture with open heart energy, ready to receive the lesson of the day….yeah receive….the horses are our teachers. They want to lead us for a change. Can we be grounded, and clear, with no agenda and open and present, being entirely in the moment, joining our breath with theirs? Maybe all we have to do is choose….let’s make a conscious chose, and get ready for change.
If you have had an experience with your horse or in your life that has invited in a new way of being for you as a person or as a rider, we would love you to share it with us in the comments.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Every horse program or manual is going to tell you that you need to be the boss. Not here. We want people to explore what it looks like to not be the boss – to give up control, with their horse and in a lot of other areas of their lives.
We have been seeing some fascinating offers from the horse when they can make decisions and have ideas. Others say we need to be the boss to have control so we do not get hurt. Not what I am seeing. When we give up control, we really start to listen and we do not jump into things. We wait until both partners fully agree on something.
I have been watching this and observing that it is quite often nervous riders that find this approach appealing, which seemed a bit odd. And it was working……this morning I came closer to understanding why. If the horse has been made to believe we are the boss and then they feel us getting nervous, they immediately read that anxiety and react. If we are below them on the pecking order and we feel anxious, it does not affect them. They look at us the same as they look at a low submissive in the herd. Mostly ignoring us and carrying on with what they are doing. This in turn allows our nerves to subside and we can carry on in our happy relationship.
We become their ‘little two-legged one’ that they sort of have to look out for. If on a confident day the little two legged decides they have an idea, their horse just might encourage them along the way….. “You go little one.”
Maybe no one needs to be boss – maybe we can just go play together.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Last night I went out at 7:00 to teach one of my regular students, Bridget and her horse Star. They were not at the barn when I arrived so I started to walk out to the field where Star lives. It is about a 100 acres and she shares it with a large herd of about 20 horses. I was about to go looking for them when I see a head coming over the hill. Bridget and Star, her 5 year old Percheron cross mare are walking in together. Bridget is carrying her halter and Star has chosen to leave her friends and follow her owner down to the barn. In a bit, two of Star's horse friends decide to join them and are frollicking about, but Star does not falter and holds her course down to the gate. I open it and Bridget choses to trust Star to be out in the yard without her halter on. We head off, not sure if Star will keep with us as there is now timothy grass up to her belly on either side of the lane. But she snacks on some heads, hesitates here and there as her friends are now calling from the field, and continues on down the lane to the barn, also ignoring the horses in the nearby paddock. As she nears the barn she remembers there are good things in there and takes over the lead. Bridget is beaming. Proud of her baby and I am sure pleased with herself for letting go of fear and trusting Star. For Bridget this journey has been all about trust.
Star and Bridget have been playing in this new way to be with horses for the longest, nearly a year now. Bridget has never faltered. Never fallen back into the old ways of make 'em do it. She shows up at the barn each time with unconditional love, no agenda, no expectations, open and aware, listening and ready to try whatever Star suggests might be fun today. Because Bridget has chosen this way to 'BE' with her horse, they are teaching us all so much about what the horse will offer when we get out of the way.
Bridget came from a traditional riding background, having competed in hunters in Florida in her youth. She is not an overly brave rider. Like most of us fear can come sneaking in the back door and create all kinds of wild scenarios at a moments notice. Sometimes this makes it much harder to let go of how we think we have to behave around horses. To reject all the old tapes that are playing in our head, telling you that the horse must obey you, that you can't let them decide if they want to come in today, can't let them decide if you should be allowed on today, can't let them decide where they will go, can't let them decide if they will wear a saddle or not. Bridget decided to fully let Star decide and decide she has. Bridget has let her past be past and has embraced a new way.
A year ago Bridget was in a 'yoga on horseback' class that we were running at the barn. The instructor Margit McNaughton had had to reassured her that she could do yoga with all of her tack on even though others in the class used the preferred bareback pads. Margit had reminded me of this just last week, after I was telling her of the wonderful adventures that Star and Bridget go on now. She could not beleive that Bridget was now riding without saddle or bridle or halter out in the field. She could not believe the level of trust that Bridget now had.
We realize that Star is teaching Bridget. To let go. To trust her. She has always presented things when Bridget was ready. To ride with a halter instead of a bridle, that was the first big step, then a bareback pad instead of a saddle, then no saddle, and now no bridle. And Star keeps her safe. On her first ride without a halter Star just stood in the arena with her head very low and they breathed together. Next she tried a small circle, with small steps, taken very carefully. Step by step their world got bigger until now they are trotting over small jumps in the arena and then Star is taking Bridget out into the herd with her and going on small adventures, all without anything on. Everything that she presents, Bridget sees as a gift.
Just last week we observed something interesting. We realize Star does her own 'ground work'. When we are out in the herd or last week in the yard she appears to be just wandering off taking us in various places and then we discovered that she takes Bridget when she is riding exactly where she has already gone. Her own form of groundwork.
I am sure you will hear more of the adventures of Star and Bridget as we keep observing and learning what the horses will offer.
Friday, August 20, 2010
A couple of days ago, a new boarder at our barn asked how we got started working with horses in this new way and I really had to think back about how it did begin.
As with any change it started with questioning the way things have always been done. I covered some of this in the last blog on the evolution of horsemanship. Once you release the old, then you have to give yourself permission to see things in a new way and from there be open to what shows up.
How many of you have read ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Cuelho? Fun read and from it a phrase has entered our language that we use any time big change is needed. It is ‘Sell the sheep’. Before the shepherd boy could go on his life altering mystical journey he had to step out of what was comfortable and sell his sheep. That first step is never an easy step. Why leave comfortable for the unknown….for the fear and uncertainty. We do it because it is our soulful journey. There is a calling from beyond.
It think it started for me a few years back when I was reading a Jane Smiley’s book that introduced the idea of horse personality typing. The writing of my book ‘Is Your Horse a Rock Star?’ came out of that and this analyzing of horses opened the door to a new way to look at the horse. Due to the book we were out teaching clinics and workshops and doing demos, so it enabled us to sit in a lot of riding arena’s and witness loose horses. We were doing this to figure out their personality but in the process I could not help but notice the varied expressions that went beyond personality. Some horses were truly awake and aware and others appeared to be slogging along in a fog. Their eyes began to show us a bigger story.
We became aware of all the emotions. Anger, boredom, worry, sadness, pain, happiness, joy! We were doing weekend workshops designed to help people learn how to work with their horse from their personality perspective. This understanding of the personality was what started the deeper listening. What I began to see was a difference in the horses’ eyes from the beginning of the weekend to the end. They started to open up and become engaged once we really started to reach out and want to know who they were. The bolder types of course showed this sooner than the shy timid types. How well the owner could honour and respect the horse was also important. The more the riders were aware and willing to change old patterns of behaviour the greater the change within the horse.
Horse owners were seeking a new way to be with their horses. But why were we here and what were we
seeking now that we had let go of our competitive world of ‘bigger, faster, better’? What I was seeking was a real relationship, a chance to get to truly know another, a chance to share a journey, a chance to change, perhaps myself.
Listening seemed to be the key. How do we listen to our horses? We were used to listening to them physically. We knew if they were lame or sick or sore. We knew how to feed them, and blanket them and exercise them. But did we know how to listen to them from an emotional place. We knew the negative emotions and what happened when those got out of hand. Our training had all been about getting control of those negative emotions. We had learned to equate well behaved with emotional control. But was emotional control emotional expression? No. We wanted to know who they truly were. Were they happy? Would our horses choose to be with us? Would they voluntarily leave their herd and enter our world?
We did not know any of these answers. But we had sold the sheep (our old ways) and were heading off seeking a new way. Could I quit trying to control their behaviour and instead see who they really were and accept where that might take me? Now what does this listening look like?
I am aware. I have chosen to change, now what is the next step. Starting to sound like a 12 step program isn’t it…might not be so far off. We have been a bit addicted to our control. There is some step in there about turning your life over to god whatever that means to you. Hmmm. Let’s not go there.
So to begin we need to find common ground. I decide that the one place I am not too annoying with my horses is out in their field. I will ask if I can be with the herd if I behave myself. They are suspicious. What am I up to? What have I done with the halter and the agenda? They come up to see if I have a treat. -No. ‘Good then, see you later’. I have been snubbed. As a matter of fact
Each day I set a time of 20 minutes that I will spend with the herd doing whatever they are doing. Note: not the farting and pooing part. About day 3 or 4 they have let their guard down and are now just thinking I am odd but harmless. No problem, others have thought that before. I go out to the herd and they are all snoozing. They allow me to come in very close and I lie down with them and a few of them lie down as well. I feel honoured. I love the deep breathing and I am soon travelling off with them into a land of pure awareness even while sleeping.
The herd had accepted me in a small way and so I know the journey had begun. I had stepped onto the first rock. The crossing of the stream is our life journey and we desperately want to be told exactly how to get to the other side but all that ever is presented is the next rock. How shaky or stable the rock will be, we do not know until we take that step. We may be told how to get to the other side, but it is invariably someone else’s journey and we get there only to find disappointment or dissatisfaction. We can also chose to sit in comfort on a rock for awhile but we finally realize we are just watching life flowing by and not really participating in what it has to offer. If we sit too long, we become stagnant like still water. If we resist and refuse to move, grow, change, sometimes a current will come by and sweep us off our high ground. Luckily this action was not required, I had willingly taken my first step without needing to know where the horse journey would take me.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Dogs, kids, horses – we have tended to treat them the same over the years. In the past, and not that long ago, certainly within this last century, people relied on corporal punishment to keep all three in line. Encarta describes corporal punishment as ‘the striking of someone’s body as punishment’. All three have had more than their share of that over the centuries.
‘Spare the rod, spoil the child’ – was still a common saying about how to raise children when I was a child. The strap was used in school when I was in grade school ( yeah I am THAT old), fathers still took off their belt, or mother’s threatened about what would happen when ‘dad got home’, all in the name of raising a good, obedient child that would be a valuable member of society. Dogs had the old choke chain on them or a boot to the butt if they were out of line. And horses of course had the whip and spur and the proverbial 2x4 if they did not comply. Corporal punishment was the standard, accepted way to control.
For those new to the horse world, let me go into more detail on what I will occasionally refer to as old horsemanship. It was a time ‘when men were men and horses were horses’. They all had a job to do and it was all about survival. This working style of horsemanship is still used in many places today but that is a natural part of evolution. We are not all early adaptors and it is not appropriate for everyone. In the old system young horses were sent out to be ‘broke’, not trained or started slowly as they are in most places today. And that word ‘broke’ was quite literal, as a lot of horses did not come home from the trainers in one piece physically or emotionally. The desired broke horse was one who turned his will over to his rider completely without question. That is what the working horseman required to get his job done.
In old horsemanship, horses were halter broke and taught to tie by being snubbed to a large post and letting them fight it out. When they had finally accepted that, they would be ‘sacked out’. This term describes a desensitizing process where a blanket or jacket is thrown over the horse numerous times until the horse realizes that he can not get away and that in fact, it does not hurt him. But can you imagine the terror and panic for a prey, flight animal in the meantime?
Restraining horses was the norm. A lot of time horses were hobbled for the same reason, either both front feet or a scotch hobble where one hind leg is tied up to a rope around their neck so they can not resist while being saddled or mounted for the first time. Some trainers used what is called a ‘running W’. This was a loose hobble worn around the front legs that the horse could move freely about with but when the trainer said whoa if the horse did not stop you could pull the rope and take a front leg away or throw them on their nose. Throwing down in general was a common practise to prove dominance. All of these training tools to take away the horses natural instinct which is to run in response to a fearful situation.
Along comes natural horsemanship, where the horse’s natural instincts are allowed, not restrained and restricted. What a breath of fresh air! We were no longer restraining horses but allowing them to move their feet if they were afraid or unsure of something. It seemed natural. We were imprinting them as foals within the first 24 hours of life to make sure they could accept everything that we would later throw at them. We were building trust, talking leadership.
The round pen was no longer just a 6 foot high breaking corral, but became an integral part of ground work no matter what age your horse was. Here the rider not only allowed the horse to move but drove them forward to establish dominance, simulating what they believed the top horses in the herd did. It worked. It dazzled audiences to see a wild young horse following a person around in 20 minutes or so. I tried it, it worked perfectly but I was a bit puzzled about how ‘natural’ it was. I had seen my herd boss push the others away from food or the shed and make them wait while he drank but I had never seen him run another horse in a circle for long periods of time. But this was adopted as a kinder more gentle way to get the horse’s compliance or obedience. Anything he did not agree with from picking up feet, to being touched or handled with various objects was met with sending him out to work. I saw this technique demonstrated very successfully at the Mane Event just last year, with a horse that would not hold up his feet. Most horses will figure out very quickly that running is not the answer and therefore begin thinking and searching for the correct one.
For some horses that are very submissive or afraid, this period of running can be an exhaustive process taking hours. These flighty types, sometimes called right brained or in my personality profiling called Perfectionist or People Pleaser may never find the right answer. I have heard clinicians say that you must win at this, even if it takes all day. As soon as we heard the word ‘win’, we should have realized that there would also be a ‘loser’ in this game. These personality types tended to be the losers, that went from trainer to trainer.
The natural horsemanship has many positive sides, in terms of letting the horse learn and find a right place to be. The trainer makes ‘the wrong thing difficult, the right thing easy’, to quote the daddy of them all – Ray Hunt. He revolutionized horsemanship, especially starting colts. I watched the first clinic with him in the 70’s. It was fascinating. He put riders on colts with only a saddle and turned them loose. Needless to say there was some running (really fast running), but surprisingly not a lot of riders bucked off. This was not for the faint of heart type of rider. I, for one, preferred to watch from the stands. Huge change rippled through the horse world. Colts were now started in halters and allowed to move. Trust was a thing talked about and worked toward.
Following Hunt and Dorrance were clinicians who found ways to break this down for the more timid types of riders. They filled the stadiums showing us all how we could get our horses to do these amazing feats. Every one of us that was looking for a better way signed up. We took the 10 year program that anyone could follow to get their horse to be the safe and solid riding partner they wanted. We signed up for the clinics and put all our horses through the paces. We were all becoming trainers. Our horses were becoming the safe solid ones we had hoped for, but this still seemed to be at a cost. In many cases, behind safe and solid was bored or shut down. Their faces told the story.
Children today, like the horses, are treated much differently than they were in the past. They now are given many privileges and choices, but the culture of fear in our society has insisted that parents micro management their time for almost every waking hour. Parents can no longer say ‘be home before dark’ and turn them loose in their community or even allow them to walk to school in most places. Again we see the safety factor create conditions where movement must be controlled. And a quick comparison to dogs finds most of them on a leash almost any time they are outside. Clicker and positive training tools are now the norm. Dog, horse or child psychology is understood by most. With all three we have moved into more positive training but training for control none the less. What is wrong with that? Doesn’t it keep them safe, healthy, growing old, learning more than they have ever learned? Yes, yes and yes, but here is where I want to leave the door open a crack and suggest, just suggest or throw out a ‘what if’. What if we allowed them to grow up to be what they have come here to be?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
People seem to like the name - Beyond Horse Personalities. Second born children always have to wear the hand me downs don’t they? I liked the open ended feeling of it because we really have no idea where this will take us. We have only just opened the door to the kind of relationship we can have with horses. This blog I hope will journal the process of a new way of BEING with horses.
Some of us are tired of the old ways. The natural horse training techniques that has swept the horse world in the past 30 years; we find it just gives us new ways of controlling horses more intimately, although granted less violently than the old training techniques. They sell the 10 DVD packages that promise you the same results as the master for $400 or more, all within 10 to 20 years of your life. For most of us we got to level 2 or maybe 3 if we really worked hard and took a lot of clinics by the master. By this point most of our horses really hated the program and us, or they had died by then of boredom, old age or stress trying to figure out all the answers to these equations.
We have all seen the videos on U-tube of horses galloping around at liberty, bridle less, with amazing stops and spins and everyone so in awe, but most in the audience not aware that the horse is trained within an inch of his life. I am thinking the horse has long since quit feeling he had a free thought of his own that he could act upon. Personally I wasn’t feeling the liberty.
Ok, got off on a tangent there. I will try in future to put up a red flag when I feel a rant about to burst forth. Now here is a nice little difference between the blog and writing another book. This little rant would have most likely got nixed by the editor. Wow! What freedom – I can feel the liberty in this. Oh can I just add one more little tiny one. Isn’t it funny how some of the old school trainers are just now discovering natural horsemanship and think it is the newest bestest thing? Just an observation which is what I do.
I agree that the master of these programs has a gift that he/she (almost always he I’ve noticed) brings to horses or they bring to him, but when they try to put that into a package and program all that FEEL is lost. Feel can not be taught but I do believe it can be learned. And the horses are anxious to teach us.
To learn feel all we need to do is show up with our horse and listen…really listen. If they turn away with their body or head it means no. It could be ‘no’ for what you are doing or even what you are saying (oh yah they are listening on so many levels we never imagined). The yes is usually a direct look or a lick and chew. If what you are thinking or saying is really deeply important you might hit the jackpot and get the big eye rolling yawn. Once we start to understand the basis of their language, we can start to really relate to them and the result might be ‘feel’. Hands and legs…. pulling and kicking will become so far back in the distant past. Maybe all training might be in the distant past. We have no idea where this is taking us, we are just open and anxious to get on the road. No limitation and boxes for you, second child, you are free to go play.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Just like every new parent I read a lot of the ‘how to’ books for my first born, ‘Is Your Horse a Rockstar?’. Then I realized that all this professional information just seems to make you question every decision you make. What started out as excitement and love became an arduous task. For this child I am going to try just using my intuition or my heart. I want her to grow up to be whatever she needs to be without me molding and shaping her every inch of the way. We eventually realize that things will be what they need to be and the answer we see from our little perspective down here is at most times pretty limited. How can we find the new perspective from reading old material?
I confess I took a look at one of the sites on how to blog. It said I needed to list as many topics as I thought I could write about. It said I needed to include all these certain words if I wanted a search engine to pick it up. It said I needed to schedule time everyday for the blog. It said I needed to spend more time reading others blogs than I spent writing my own. It said I needed to research the name, do I use .com or .org. or net. It said I needed to do all these things if I hoped to be successful. Successful? What did that mean in terms of writing a blog? Wasn’t I doing this because something in my soul/body wanted to get out? But after reading this I was overwhelmed and a tiny bit ‘a scared’. Was I up for this task?
Then I realized, that is exactly what happens to horse owners. They buy a horse because they love them. They see the beauty. Something on a soulful level is calling them and they just want more of the experience and then along comes a professional in the form of a book or an instructor that tells them all the things they need to do differently so that they can get their horse to do his things differently and soon the relationship is a long ways down the priority list. That soulful experience is gone.
What does it look like without that ‘help’? Can I trust myself to just follow my heart and do what FEELS right? This is the new journey we are stepping into with our horses. Can we step into our feelings and let that be our guide. Can we have a real relationship with horses rather than one that we have been told we need to have? New horse owners are showing me that this is the new journey. This is the next step. This blog is how I want to record their journey. We’d love it if you wanted to take the trip with us and join in with your experiences any time you like.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
It’s 4 a.m. It’s go time. I have been tossing and turning and not sleeping most of the night. Is this false labour or the real thing? I think this is it. I am up and dressed and ready for the trip.
I thought it would be easier with the second birth, but the pangs of labour feel the same. I can’t wait to get this out and yet I am so anxious, alternating between excitement about the new creation and worry that it won’t be all that we hoped for.
I should of known it would be tonight as all yesterday I was restless and discontent, nothing made me happy, grumpy at my husband, invited to dinner and couldn’t make myself go, laying on the couch watching golf to distract from this big ball of discontent.
I’d like to say this was a planned pregnancy but I can’t really remember when I conceived, I just gradually felt something growing in me. When it first started kicking and I knew it was alive it made me feel elated, but then at other times more comparable to morning sickness. What had I done? How did this happen? Could I birth another idea into something tangible and real? And then you realize there is no turning back. This idea was meant to be. It is larger than me or at least ‘little me’. So now I have nurtured it and watched it grow, but I can no longer carry it around inside me. It wants to get out.
It is a second child, so I know now it is not all cute cheeks and cuddles, there is the spit up and poopy pants. Can I love this child as much as my first born?
I was so anxious when ‘Rockstar’ first went out into the world. What a name eh? And that is just the nickname. He actually has a title “Is Your Horse a Rockstar?” The kind of thing you do with first borns. He was little so we wanted to give him a big name. We tried to do everything so right with him. Research, planned parenthood, all kinds of outside council, kept him neat and tidy. We even had a big coming out party for him….sent out invites, rented a hall, served wine. I guess we did alright as he is growing up nicely, finding his own way out in the world, even becoming a bit of world traveller.
Will these be hard footsteps to follow? Will being the second child make it easier or harder? Will he/she be judged because of first child? I feel I will be a better parent, more flexible and ready to go with the flow. I do worry that I might neglect her with my new easy going attitude, just taking it (or typing it) a day at a time. I sure hope I don’t leave her for weeks at a time. Do I have the perseverance?